in all honesty, I'm only gaining weight because I want to look "healthy" when I see Alanna again. I know that I will get more attention from her if I look healthy. I plan to loose all the weight again after, knowing that she'll say something when she sees my weight fluctuate.
I know that is insanely sick. but it's true.
I wish I knew how to express what I want with out using my body... I wish I actually knew what it is I want.