see the thing about love is that you can't compartmentalize it, quantify it or qualify it. But humans have this need to make everything mathematical in order to believe in it. "You know love when you could never imagine you life without that person"; that's what I was told about marriage by my god mother, and I believe her. But society has such a limited view of love. It says love is when two people have a mutually intense affection for each-other. If it's not mutual then it is called obsession. But that is bull shit. That is like saying 2 + 2 only equals 4 if both of the twos want to be added. If love triumphs over all then how can the absence of love on one person's part totally discount the other individual's love?!? Obsession is feeling that you can't imagine your life with out someone while at the same time being forced to live without that person. It is the most painful emotion to feel, it fills you with loneliness, longing, eternal frustration. Obsession is seen in this negative light, that it is illogical, that there is no basis for feeling such emotions. But is love not just as illogical? When two people are in love all logic goes out the door. Love will make them run off together at any expense. Obsession will make you try and win the object of you affection at any expense. Love and obsession are one in the same, and that is why they both will make a person crazy.
My experience of love and what has been labeled obsessive love have been identical. The only difference being that my "obsessive love" was not returned. I'm told it's obsessive because my love is not wanted, and because I can not love a person whom a barely know. On the other hand when I've found instant mutual obsession for a person, I've been congratulated for experiencing "love at first sight". How can one be revered so highly while the other be discouraged as an illness to get over? How can one make a person so proud, while a person is made to feel guilty about the other?
For one year I took medication in order to experience my emotions "properly". What I experienced was having dull inklings that I may like or dislike something. I lost passion. Though I still felt love for people I was not supposed to love, the volume was turned down, and so I acted "appropriately". This was an act in part for the benefit of those around me; I hoped to make people more comfortable with me. In part I sought "help" because I could not stand the pain of rejection any longer. And while I was in therapy I worked through the other things that made me uncomfortable. At first I thought that this medication was helping because it dulled my anxiety; but after facing what made me so anxious I stopped taking the "medication". What is left now that drugs are out of my system is pure love with no fear. And though my affections for people may not always be returned, I no longer need them to with such vehemence. I can see the wonderful qualities of people and accept that they are not ready and may never be ready to return this adoration.
People are lonely. If there is one thing I learned while working in the church it's that there are many lonely people. "All the lonely people; where do they all come from?" But the problem is not that we are unloved it is that we have such a limited understanding of love. And we discount the purest love, the one that stands even unreturned.